Dueling (and how to avoid it)

Dueling was a big issue in the 1800s. We’re talking slap-a-guy-in-the-face, “Meet me at dawn and bring your sword” kind of dueling. Serious stuff. Swords were the most common weapon in the centuries prior, but fencing skills took years to hone. Rich families had the time and resources to devote to swordsmanship, which gave them an advantage over less affluent duelists. Guns, however, were relatively easy to master, less expensive, and readily available. Thus, pistols became the norm for duels in the nineteenth century.

Because it occurred so frequently, the rules of dueling were formalized in the late 1700s. The challenged party could choose the location. Each of the participants enlisted a “second” who was of similar rank to negotiate the terms. Location, distance apart, dress code, and the attending physician all had to be arranged. Unofficially, they also acted as advocates. If an apology could be elicited, the whole affair could be canceled without firing a shot. However, when both “principals” insisted on dueling, the seconds ensured it was a fair fight.

Dueling decimated military ranks. At one point, the US Navy was losing ⅔ as many officers to dueling as to active combat. Courage was considered paramount in those days - it was shameful to flinch as bullets came flying one’s way. Thus, never backing down from a fight to defend one’s honor was the motivation behind most duels. Insults could never be swept under the rug. Needless to say, the practice led to innumerable injuries and deaths. 

The War Hero

Stephen Decatur was an American Navy officer who was involved in multiple military campaigns in the early 1800s. Everywhere he went, his service was characterized by exceptional leadership, heroism, and impeccable conduct. On one occasion, he snuck onto a warship that had been captured by North African pirates. Instead of allowing it to be used by America’s enemies, he snuck on board at night with a small group of sailors. Defeating the guards, Decatur arranged explosives and lit the ship on fire. Even as flames engulfed the hull, he insisted on being the last to disembark. Under heavy gunfire from shore, and falling debris from the exploding warship, they narrowly escaped back out to sea. Not a man was lost.

Decatur epitomized the face of the United States Navy. At age 24, he was (and still is) the youngest American officer to be promoted to the rank of captain. Four years later, he was promoted to commodore. However, like so many of his fellow officers, he witnessed and participated in many duels.

Decatur's first duel was at age 20. He had just been promoted to fourth lieutenant and was tasked with recruiting a crew for the frigate United States. At the same time, a merchant ship was similarly recruiting sailors, whose chief mate got into an argument with Decatur over losing recruits to him. The altercation got ugly, with the merchant officer incessantly slandering Decatur and the Navy. Initially, Decatur shrugged off the insults and left the scene, but upon returning home, his father scolded him for failing to uphold the family’s honor. Decatur tried to elicit an apology from the chief mate, but when it was refused, the duel was set. At the agreed location, Decatur, who was an expert shot, wounded the offender in the hip while his opponent missed him entirely. With his honor upheld, he left the incident unscathed.

Decatur witnessed many other duels. One time, he was the second of a young midshipman (lowest-ranking naval officer). Because the midshipman was a lousy shot, Decatur negotiated for the duel to be fought at four paces, not the usual ten. When both missed (although a hat was shot off the other’s head), the offender still refused to apologize and another round was loaded. The second time, Decatur’s man killed his opponent and escaped uninjured. Another time, Decatur was the second of another midshipman who dueled two other officers at the same time. Despite being hit by both and unable to stand, he refused to concede the fight. Decatur held him up and steadied his arm so he could fire back at his opponents, striking one of them. With everyone’s honor upheld, they all limped home to recover from their wounds. 

Decatur was challenged to his second (and final) duel at age 41. His challenger was James Barron, a disgraced captain who had suffered an embarrassing and bloody defeat at the hands of the British. Decatur was an outspoken critic of Barron’s conduct and had sat on the ensuing court martial that suspended him from the Navy. Six years later, Barron applied for reinstatement, but Decatur opposed it. Infuriated, Barron challenged him to a duel. 

On the appointed morning, their respective seconds loaded the pistols and measured out eight paces, deadly close for such accomplished shooters. The countdown began and both men shot simultaneously. Decatur aimed for Barron’s hip, as to only wound him. True to form, Barron was struck with a non-lethal shot into his upper leg. Decatur, however, did not fare so well. The bullet struck his abdomen and passed clear through him. Both men collapsed. 

“I am mortally wounded,” said Decatur. “I wish I had fallen in defense of my country.”

Decatur was carried home. Despite numerous physicians attending to him, died later that evening.

The nation was shocked at the untimely and tragic death of their favorite hero. The elite of Washington society, including President James Monroe himself, attended Decatur’s funeral. Newspapers called it the largest public gathering in the nation’s capital.

Although countless commemorations were heaped upon Decatur at his burial, the means of his death was a blemish on his otherwise exemplary life and career. Some newspapers were particularly harsh: “He fell like a fool and died as a fool dieth,” and “He threw away a life of honor by seeking an ignominious death”. Decatur’s tragic end proved a turning point. Even though it was already illegal in most states, dueling was rarely punished. Public opinion, however, was forever changed. One editorial stated, “Not one thing has done so much to cause us to deprecate dueling as the untimely death of Decatur.”

His widow, Susan, was robbed of her husband at the peak of his career. As a childless widow, her pleas for financial assistance from the government were denied. Despite the wealth, home, and fame Decatur accumulated throughout his lifetime, Susan died nearly penniless, being forced to sell her home and possessions to support herself. 

Meekness

One of the greatest sins of humanity is the worship of Self. We each have a golden god deep in our hearts that demands our utmost care and coddling. All of us, without exception, are guilty of adoring, over-valuing, and worshiping ourselves to the detriment of all else. Such a practice boils down to idolatry, which directly contradicts God’s command to “have to other gods before me” (Ex 20:3, ESV). This primal sin is what led Cain to murder his brother Abel - he couldn’t stand the sight of someone shining brighter than him. Self is always at war with other Selves.

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? (James 4:1, ESV)

Such an egocentric mentality brings us nothing but trouble. Like a strutting rooster, we’ll attack anything to ensure our Self is shown its due respect. Anyone who tarnishes or criticizes our delicate egos will pay dearly. 

However, many of us mistakenly believe defending Self at all costs is a virtue. Fighting for one’s honor is often seen as nobility at its finest, since it involves unwavering courage to resolutely face death. Now, courage most certainly is a virtue, but marching into battle over a bruised ego is absurd. The Bible says the same.

Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. (Pr 20:3, NLT)

A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. (Pr 18:6, ESV)

Commodore Barron was so bitterly resentful that he challenged (and killed) an American hero, all because he couldn’t fathom criticism of his mistakes. Similarly, Decatur foolishly risked his life (and the well-being of his wife) to defend that false god he cherished in his heart. His all-important Self proved more dangerous than the fierce pirates of North Africa.

Conflict is inevitable for those who cultivate such arrogance, but tense situations are quickly diffused by exhibiting the opposite behavior: meekness. This is the solution for dueling, and the cure for our sinful Self-seeking behavior. A healthy disregard of Self is not a sign of weakness - it actually takes more courage and strength to not fight back than to give into Self-idolization. Meekness is all about taking our golden god off its lofty pedestal - instead, it’s banished to the corner to collect cobwebs with the rest of our sinful nature. In its place, we put God front and center. Because our identity is safe in Christ, insults are able to roll off us - abuse doesn’t sting like it used to. Offense may still be taken and relationships damaged, but the extreme measures to defend Self doesn’t lead to such pain and propagation of sin. 

Unlike the rest of humanity, Jesus’ Self was worthy of all honor and praise. However, not once did he ever pursue such glory for himself.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Phil 2:5-8, ESV)

Christ sought to glorify God, not his ego. Although all power was available to him (“Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” Mt 26:53, NIV), and yet he deliberately chose not to fight for himself. Instead, Jesus’ response to insults, abuse, and unjust punishment was nothing. 

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. (1 Pet 2:23, NIV)

Jesus allowed others to abuse him, and he taught us to do the same. In fact, we’re instructed to go right along with it! 

Do not show opposition against an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other toward him also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak also. (Mt 5:39-40, NASB)

This seems completely counter-intuitive. From a young age, we’re taught to stand up for ourselves, to fight back, to not allow ourselves to be pushed around. And yet this sentiment is completely unbiblical. “But they’ll walk all over me!” Exactly. The kingdom of God is completely backwards to the ways of the world. The ultimate way to defeat evil is not to fight against it but to love those who hate us.

If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12:20-21, NASB)

Does this mean we tolerate evil? That fighting for anything is sinful? Of course not. Hatred always propagates itself, but kindness and humility defeat aggression far more effectively than any counterattack. 

The Tea Master

Japanese legend tells of the servant who was so skilled in his service - embodying quiet confidence, grace, and peace - that the Samurai Lord Yamanouchi made him an honorary Samurai. Wherever he traveled throughout Japan, he brought his tea master with him, dressed in traditional Samurai robes and weapons. 

One day, while walking through the streets of Edo (Tokyo), the tea master came upon another Samurai. In deference to the warrior, the servant cleared the road and bowed quietly as he waited for the other to pass. The warrior, however, stood aghast. He could not believe that another Samurai would act so meekly. “Tell me, oh strange one, where are you from and what is your rank?”

The tea master humbly replied, “It is my honor to serve Lord Yamanouchi as his master in the way of the tea.”

When the Samurai realized a lowly tea master was dressed in such sacred robes, his fury peaked. To teach this servant to properly respect the Samurai, he challenged him to a duel the next day.

The servant was terrified. Upon returning to Lord Yamanouchi, he explained everything and begged advice on how to die with the honor of a Samurai. His lord replied, “Do not worry. Go meet him at the appointed time and do what you know how to do. Serve him tea.”

The next day, the Samurai arrived for the duel in full armor, with multiple swords tucked into his belt. The tea master, however, arrived with charcoal, matches, water, cups, and a kettle. Without a word, he knelt down on the ground and began a tea ceremony. The warrior watched as the servant moved with quiet intensity, focusing on the task he had spent a lifetime perfecting. He showed no trembling, weeping, or begging for mercy. Finally, the tea master approached the warrior, bowed, and handed him a cup of tea. 

The Samurai took the cup, sipped, and set it down. He was so humbled by the tea master’s poise and grace that the warrior bowed, asked to be excused for his rude behavior, and left with as much speed and dignity as he could muster. 

Thus, the tea master defeated the Samurai warrior. His kind-hearted actions, even in the face of death, broke the will of his aggressor. 

Summary

Love is more powerful than hatred. Kindness trumps vengeance. Such Christlike behavior is completely contrary to our revenge-thirsty human nature, but it works wonders! The Bible describes how Israel miraculously captured a whole army of enemy Arameans, who had been raiding and pillaging their land. However, the prophet Elisha commanded that they not be harmed. Instead, they were fed and released unharmed. From then on, “the bands from Aram stopped raiding Israel’s territory” (2 Ki 6:23, NIV). Just like the tea master, Israel defeated its enemy with kindness and the entire war ended without bloodshed.

The nonviolent resistance of Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. were far more effective at enacting social justice than any violent protests that came before them. The downtrodden didn’t fight back from being underfoot; instead, they stood together to endure it. They allowed Self to be disrespected - banned from buses, schools, and bathrooms; slandered and harassed; even beaten for standing up for equality. They didn’t tolerate evil, but they fought it with love instead of hate. And in so doing, these revolutionaries changed the world.

Additionally, the Bible is clear that such behavior is richly rewarded. Because Christ refused to defend himself, “God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name” (Phil 2:9, ESV). Indeed, although selfish men fight to possess the world, God has ensured that ultimately the meek “shall inherit the earth” (Mt 5:5, ESV). 

Meekness doesn’t hate Self, it just ignores its inflated ego. 

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves. (Phil 2:3, NASB)

The arrogant Samurai could not fathom that honor could coexist with meekness. It was only after being shamed by humility and kindness that he realized the tea master’s courage and honor vastly surpassed his own. 

If Stephen Decatur had been sufficiently meek to allow a bitter rival’s challenge to go unaccepted, the impressive legacy of America’s finest naval officer wouldn’t have been tarnished by the way he died. It’s ironic that by seeking to defend his good name, he ruined it.  

Let’s take Self from its lofty pedestal, shall we? Setting aside our ego and the need to defend one’s “honor” is the only path toward meaningful peace. Kindness in the face of oppression is so completely unnatural that the aggressor is instantly taken aback. Humor works even better - there’s nothing like self-deprecating humor to diffuse a tense situation. 

Because we belong to the Lord, we don’t need to defend ourselves. Someone stronger and wise will ensure justice will always be served.

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent. (Ex 14:14, ESV)

The solution to dueling, and avoiding all sorts of other sin, is meekness. As the Bible teaches us, avoiding a fight is more honorable than defending that golden god we call Self. 

© D. B. Ryen Incorporated, December 2024.